.Sunday, March 25, 2007 ' 00:45 Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.you still are.
It feels so stressful if you're working so hard, studying so hard and yet you can't help but feel a threatening sense of foreboding.I know that I made an awful choice of module combinations and indeed, I have been getting the jitters with every day passing closer to the close of the semester.I usually am able to afford a measure of confidence when I handle my workload, no matter how tough it is. But this time around, Im working with a big doubt cast in my head. No matter how much I try to internalise stuff, I feel like it really is of no use. Exams are like 2 or 3 week away.I admit, I have been straying away this sem, letting myself be distracted by stuff. I did not study as hard as last sem. God forbid me to compare myself now, with my A level days. But I feel that I needed those times as an important breather from the uninteresting modules that Im dealt with. Papers after papers of research work, completed and done, not out of interest but out of need. Completed not with confidence, but with the need to get it over and done with.I am at a conflict with myself. this overwhelming sense of guilt for not giving my all for my studies vs an extremely strong desire to break away from everything vs a sense of helplessness for the lack of time and the lack of energy.studies. weekend tuitionS. family commitments. And Im amazed that some people find think Im having it easy.
